You might be afraid to speak up because you think your guy is very sensitive about getting sexual feedback. About that you're probably right-most men are amazingly sensitive about getting some simple information. What is up with that? Do they think they were supposed to be born knowing their way around a woman's body? I admit this is a tricky relationship communication problem.
What works really well is to be very low-key and gentle. You want to convey the idea that everything is great, just wonderful, bua ko choda and if you just did this one tiny thing right here, it would be just that much more awesome. I have coached many clients to use this approach with many happy results!
Do You Put Down His Sexuality?
Men don't always realize that you don't want sex because of all the stress you have because it doesn't work that way for them. Stress does not neutralize the male libido. As my husband once said, "If men gave birth, they'd want to have more sex after they had the baby, not less, so they could relax!"
And men don't need to feel close before they have sex. It usually works the other way around. Sex makes them feel closer. This doesn't make men insensitive brutes or some kind of lower life form, but women often act like it does. In fairness, that's because we've had to deal with insensitive brutes.
Very few of us come to marriage without having been treated like a sex object. Most of us have some experience with the classic jerk who "only wants one thing." Or worse-a lot of us have been abused. This makes it hard for us to distinguish between a man taking advantage of us and a really good man who has a different sexual response. But it's crucial we learn to make that distinction.
Men feel really hurt when women show contempt for their natural way of being. And they feel hurt when they're not wanted. They might not speak up about it. A lot of times they just go underground. This could be one of the reasons for that withdrawal that drives you crazy.